This morning I woke up and my right arm was numb. Not because I fell asleep with it above my head or because I had been sleeping on it all night. I didn’t want to move it but I needed to get up and get ready for woke. I grabbed my phone as my first alarm at 5:10am started going off to silence it. I silenced the next one and the one after that and the one after that. It was then 6:05am and Jer whispered next to me, are you going to get up and shower? I ignored him, who needs to shower, it’s Friday. At this point my arm was starting to tingle, I think it knew I needed to get my ass out of bed or we all were going to be late. Just as soon as I started to move it upwards, it started. Fussing, farting and crying. Sky was awake and not happy that I was moving
my arm his pillow. I laid him on my pillow, tucked him under the down blanket and started to cover the dark circles under my eyes that have made themselves a home. He watched me and smiled.
He was now happy.Content and just plain cute.
As I searched for something warm and comfortable to wear I couldn’t really think about how exhausted I was from the night or weeks before. I really just wanted to crawl back into bed and snuggle that little guy.
The last few weeks have been hard. If it’s not one kid, it’s the other and sometimes it’s both..at the same time, at that same moment. They need you. They want something from you. Sometimes they don’t know how to explain it and sometimes they do. They may just want you to lay with them a little longer, to scratch their back till they fall asleep or sing ‘you are my sunshine’ just one.more.time. But it’s hard. It’s hard not knowing, and it’s hard knowing what they need, all at the same time. and when you’re tired, it’s even harder.
From experience I know that these sleepless nights will end though. They will also resurface when teething, night time potty training and when bad dreams happen. Although it’s Friday and I look forward to spending the weekend with the boys, today was a fight. It was a fight to get Tracen dressed, a fight to put shoes on, a fight to get out of the door and a fight when I had to leave them to go to work. Today, I cried while driving to work. It doesn’t happen all the time but more frequently than I’d like. Here’s the thing. Both boys need me in two totally different way. I hate giving timeouts and I hate saying no but both things have to be done so Tracen learns right from wrong. I also hate when Skylor screams at the top of his lungs every two hours and no feeding, rocking or skin to skin will appease him. I’m exhausted but I really don’t mind, what I mind is that you just don’t know what’s going on with these little humans when they act like this. It’s frustrating and it got the best to me on the drive in. But I will survive, I always do.
Motherhood is a crazy journey. One that is full of unlimited surprises, some good and some bad. Every day I am blessed to be with these two crazy kids as well as the person that keeps me sane and raises these munchkins with me.