Shit My Toddler Says

When I was younger I always wondered why my mom said the things she said. Didn’t she ever get tired of telling me no? Didn’t she get sick of me always being home because she grounded me…AGAIN! Didn’t she get tired of explaining things to me when I asked why, or because, or how come? The answer is yes, yes she probably did. That’s also probably why the words ‘because I said so/I’m the mom’ were muttered very often. I always swore I would ‘never say those things when I’M a mom!’

I never understood why though. Why not just explain to me why I can’t watch TV till midnight or why I can’t have ice cream for dinner or why I was always grounded for talking too much in school {because I always was!}

Now I get it.

I really get it.

Over the past mmmmmmm 6 months I have to say, I’ve been compiling a list in my phone of the lovely shit that pours out of Tracen’s mouth on the reg. I want to preface here and let you know that I’ve never told him to shut up, although I’m dying to, bad right. I must be some horrible mom for wanting to just yell ‘shut the hell up! Can’t you just stop talking for ONE minute!!!’ Really though, if you’ve never thought these things than you’re not a mom of a toddler. Or you’re a saint, one of the two.

So if he gets his looks from his dad he must get his mouth from me, because he really doesn’t ever shut up! It’s hard to question the things that come out of his mouth, he’s his mothers son after all!

‘I’m going to sleep in my bed tonight’

‘How did I get in your belly, there are no doors?’


‘do you have a wiener?

‘I want dat’

‘wanna see my dupa?’
‘wanna see my dupa?’
‘wanna see my dupa?’
{drops pants to the ground and spreads his buttcheeks
and LAUGHS!- NOOOO idea who taught him that-SWEAR!!!}

‘I’m hungry.
what can I eat.
I’m done.
what else can I eat.
still hungry mom.
mom
mom
moooooommmm!!!

‘can I have some water?
‘can I have some juice?
‘can I have some milk?’

‘Sky hit me’

‘I didn’t push him, I promise!’

‘but do I get a prize if I listen?’

‘I’m gonna toot on you!’

“Sky took that from me, I had it fwist’

‘where are you going?’

‘I’m going to close my eyes now and go to bed.
Don’t go in your room with daddy, it’s not fair he gets
to snuggle you’

{next morning}

‘why did you leave my room, you didn’t wisten to me moommmm’

‘I GOTTA PEEEEEE, PAUSE MY SHOWWWWWW!!!’

‘how much is dat?
do you got any moneies
can we buy it?’

‘can we ride sandy?
{not today buddy}
you don’t have a penny??’
{SCREAMSSSSSS}
{cashier gives us pennies}

‘we don’t say hate mommy, we say we don’t like’

‘i wanna see Mia’
‘i wanna see Gwiffin’
‘i wanna see Mimi’
‘i wanna see Amy’
‘i wanna see Grammy’

‘what are we doing today?’

‘is is sucker day?
is it pizza party Friday?’

‘why do I have to go to school?’

‘can you stay home and play today?’

‘can we go to Target?
do we have to go to the coffee store first?’

‘awww you’re a sweetie’

‘you’re my best mommy I ever did have!’

While some of this is usually caught on camera a lot of it isn’t and if you know Tracen personally you can probably hear him screaming saying most of these things in your head. Some days I want to tell him to shut it and stop asking me another question or I’m going to loose my mind, but I refrain because if you see this sweet face everyday, how could you stay mad at him for more than 30 seconds!

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5 Comments

  1. 12.12.14 / 7:59 am

    Oh. My. Gosh. Yes to everything.

    I used to talk the shit off my mom's head. I'd be talking and talking and talking and she'd be like, "uh huh….uh huh…uh huh…" and I'd be like "Mooom! You're not listening to meeee!"

    I swore I'd listen to my children's every word when I became a mother. I thought she was so rude for pretending to listen to me! Haha.

    Now, I rarely ever say "uh huh", not because I'm an awesome mom, but because my kids talk to me SO MUCH that sometimes I just don't even hear them. I think it's my survival instincts 🙂

    • 18.12.14 / 3:27 pm

      hahaha YES!!! I swear this is me too! The other day Tracen told me that I wasn't really listening! I looked at him and he was STARING at me lol woops!

  2. 11.12.14 / 4:14 am

    I'd just like to clarify, you were NEVER grounded for talking too much. Grounding was for much bigger crimes than talking too much in school! BTW… I too, swore, that I'd never say "Because I said so" or "Because I'm the Mom", but once you've answered 1,032 questions over a one hour time frame (and many are repeats), you finally resort to the mom-isms.

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