10 Things Our Wedding Won't Have

It’s been about 3 months since Jerek proposed and by now most brides have their venue picked out, know what colors they want their brides maids to wear and maybe even started wedding dress shopping. Hell I know people that got engaged after me and already have their’s, lets be honest here!

While I’ve scoured the internet looking at venues, dresses, food menus and flower crowns {yup, thats happening} and instead of thinking of what I DO want I’ve started coming up with shit that I we don’t want our wedding to have. And in true Chelsea form I’m going to let you all know just so you aren’t surprised down the road. Aren’t you so lucky!


1. Garter/bouquet toss-I always try and sit back in the crowd when this one comes on. I did catch the bouquet at my girlfriends wedding in California, although I’m still convinced she turned around and basically handed it to me! Mind you Jerek was also at this wedding with our 8 month old son so I was the LEAST bit “single” to be catching that thing. 



2. Cutting cake/face smashing– There is absolutely no logical reason why I need to mess up my gorgeous makeup, no reason at ALL! Tears while saying your vows that make your mascara run, that’s one thing, but cake smashing all over your eye lashes making them sticky the entire night and for what, a picture? Yea I’m ALLLLLL. SET. on that one.



3. Bachelor party-Jerek and I are totally in on the same page on this one. It will be a joint one. Here’s our thinking, mind you we have kids so this really doesn’t apply to some brides that are childless.  Sometimes we go out on the weekends, most of the time one of us goes out with friends and the other stays home with the boys. We try and not ask family to babysit as they already help us out enough through the week. Once in a while we get invited to weddings, birthday party’s or really need a date night which we then call on family and figure out arrangements. SO, with ALL that being said you best believe if we get a night alone from kids we are not spending it alone from each other! You see we kinda like each other and kinda want to spend that alone time that we rarely get together. Plus most of our friends have gotten to know each other over the last 11 years, lets all party together!


4. Penis crowns, straws, etc- This goes hand in hand with #3 but I absolutely despise the whole lets tramp around with a schlong hanging around my neck all night with a big tiara that says last fling before the ring. Mind you, I’m not hatin on anyone that has done this, I’ve been to bachlorette parties that the bride has done this and that’s fun for her but I personally just don’t want this at MY  our bachlor{ette} party.

5. First dances-I don’t know why but I just find this so awkward. I really don’t want people staring at me while I whisper into Jerek’s ear ‘dude, I feel so weird that people are staring at us wondering what I’m telling you right now. Okay now laugh and pretend I said something funny!” We probably would also look like we did at those 8th grade school dances that we had once a month and were too scared to talk to each other. Ya, kinda like that. I’m thinking we will just all dance awkwardly together, the more the merrier right!



6. Ceremony time-There’s no need for this to go on longer than 10, 15 minutes tops. We say our vows hopefully without ending up in a sobbing mess of tears {from us or the kids} we kiss, smile and go party, that’s it! No need to say and ‘now you begin your life as one.’ Uhhh remember those 11 years and 2 kids I’ve talked about? We’ve been “one” for a while now!



7. The Mr & Mrs. announcement- One thing I absolutely HATE {good thing Tracen can’t read or he’d yell at me for saying hate} is when the person announcing the wedding party {yeah we won’t be doing that either!} says “and now for the first time, Mr & Mrs. Jerek {last name}!” Uhh, hold the phone, back it up, stop clapping. I may be changing my last name to match my boys but I’m still a damn person and you can refer to me as THE or Mrs. Chelsea {last name!} This is not 1920…End rant.



8. Person who marry’s us- While I do have a church that I go to {I’ve been really slacking lately!} I don’t want to meet the person marrying us for the first time the night before and write down 5 things about our relationship so they can “get to know us” before the nuptials. Uh uh, not us. We will be having someone that knows us lead the ceremony. So all you family members reading this start racking your brains who you think we will ask, because it will be happening 😉



9. No veil- It’s just not my thing. As I started above, I’m drooling over flower crowns anyways.



10. Matching brides maid dresses-If you’ve ever looked at my wedding Pinterest board you will see I’m a huge fan of the miss matched, let your bridal party pick out whatever the hell they want to wear type dresses. If someone has size triple F tits you better believe I’m not having them wear a strapless dress, that’s just cruel! Most likely they will feel uncomfortable the whole wedding and it will show on their face and in pictures. I never did understand why some brides are so set on a certain dress that they don’t care if their “best friends”/bridal party likes it or not. It’s like they don’t want their wedding party to look good too? Like they think the girls looking good would take the attention away from the bride or something. I mean HELLO! Who wants pictures of your bridesmaids lookin like shit in all YOUR pictures…NOT THIS GIRL!

I’m sure there are things I left out and hey, maybe I’ll change my mind on things! If that happens I will have a post after the wedding letting you know how right you were and how wrong I was! Probably not though because Jerek will tell you… I’M NEVER WRONGGGGGG 😉

Here’s my disclaimer though, hopefully you all understand that I’m not putting down anyone’s weddings that had any of these things or if you personally like these classic wedding traditions that’s okay too! I’m personally a very nontraditional, go against the grain type of girl and I’m just letting you know what to NOT expect. This will probably give you a better idea of what it will be like…whenever that may be! Maybe next time I post about wedding related things I can let you know our plans…maybe;)

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13 Comments

  1. 02.02.15 / 1:36 pm

    Girl, YAS! First of all, those mismatched maids are a photographer's DREAM! We all love them, yes we do. Secondly, like you said, pick a dress you like and look pretty at my wedding instead of wearing something you hate. Also, a friend of mine is a size 24 and all the other maids are not plus-size…they paid $55 for their dresses (luck of the ebola sale, but also still very cheap) and she had to special order hers for over $200 (there goes her Christmas bonus). She'd be better off if the bride just let her find an affordable dress in an appropriate color. I mean, she's the manager of a plus size fashion store that actually sells dresses…so…not brain surgery.

    And, I'm SO OVER bouquet and garter tosses. They are dumb traditions that don't mean anything. And also, they are almost always awkward and creepy.

  2. 13.01.15 / 6:28 pm

    I love this! You have every single right to have your wedding the way you want it, and I'm glad you're not going to do anything you don't want to just because it's the "norm"! Go you!

  3. 13.01.15 / 6:20 pm

    I didn't wear a veil either! I wanted a quick, to the point ceremony & that's what I wanted!

  4. 13.01.15 / 5:26 pm

    This sounds exactly like my wedding. We didn't have a first dance…we didn't even have dancing at all, actually. We had a 30 person wedding ceremony followed by a seated dinner. It was only our closest family and friends, and it was incredible. There was no bouquet toss. There was no cake cutting…we didn't even have cake…we had cupcakes. Our ceremony was only 10 minutes. My two sisters were my bridesmaids and did not wear matching dresses…their dresses were from Forever21 and Dillards. There was no bachelor party. Basically, all 10 things you've already said. 🙂

    • 14.01.15 / 2:21 am

      I'm thinking you basically spilled my wedding details to my readers 😉

  5. 13.01.15 / 4:24 pm

    YESSSSS. Preach. I always ran away during the bouquet/garter toss, so that was the first thing I nixed for our wedding. We also had a record short ceremony, officiated by my brother 🙂 …no bridal party dances either, because it's f-ing awkward to slow dance with a bridesmaid/groomsman you just met. Annnnnnnnd lastly, I agree 100% on letting the bridesmaids wear what they're comfortable in. If they're going to spend $200+ on a dress, I want them to like it and feel good in it! I let my bridesmaids pick out whatever style they wanted and it worked for me!

    • 14.01.15 / 2:20 am

      Yes I loved your pictures of the girls! That's so cute your brother officiated:)

  6. 13.01.15 / 3:56 pm

    I am so with you on so many of these things! Is it bad that I was engaged in September and still haven't really planned anything out? We are waiting until 2016 for the wedding so it's not like there is any hurry ha ha. I'll be wearing a garter (only because I found the prettiest garter ever) but I wan't to keep it, so no tossing of that. Also bouquets are freaking expensive. I'm not tossing a $60 flower arrangement, I'm poor. My uncle, who we are both close with, will be officiating for us and I am beyond excited! I also want a short ceremony.

    • 14.01.15 / 2:20 am

      No girl! I got engaged in October and we have no date, venue, etc 🙂 I'm all for wearing a cute garter and yes, bouquets ARE expensive, there will be NO throwing on my end either!

  7. 13.01.15 / 3:09 pm

    Can I say I firmly am with you on all of this? No cake smash (we like each other and just married…why am I gonna get slapped across the face with cake?), no veil, no matchy-matchy dresses, no long ceremony (I think ours was 20 mins), ETC ETC ETC! Preach girl! And love the flower crown idea! xoxo play. wash. rinse. repeat.

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