Dear Restaurant Goers

My mom use to tell me that there was a time period where we justdidn't go out to eat. Unless it had a drive through she wasn't keen onattempting it with two kids alone. I remembering thinking 'seriously mom,throw us in the stroller and just GO ya wuss!'

Please take this as a formal apology mom.


{dat sass doe}

Dear causal dinning customers,

Listen up.

I can see you staring at us when we walk in, hoping, and prayingthat we aren't seated next to you. A highchair and a booster seat, come on now!

The hostess starts walking your way. You look to your left and toyour right.

BOOM. Here we are. Sitting a foot away from you. About torock your world.

Usually it starts off well. We are prepared with snacks, bubbasand the iPad, for when the times get tough.

Tracen will usually sit pretty well, maybe smile and blow a kissat you if you're lucky.

Give it about 10 minutes and the kids have drank all the dranksand the screws are starting to become unloose. 

The food is taking ageeeeessss toget here, screams the older one. There's no bacon in the damn place and hewants to watch something else besides sports. Why else do restaurants haveTV's?

I see your gears going. Wondering why I keep making thatuncomfortable eye stare at you. Well that's because we aren't going anywhere.We are eating this damn food no matter how long it takes for it to get here!

Sky keeps signing for more. More. ALWAYS MORE FREAKING FOOD.

The food has finally gotten here and I feverishly start cutting upthe boys food. This way they can shove their faces and give us a break to eat,no no, maybe TALK? Wait people do that at dinner?

Not even 10 minutes later and they are done. Food everywhere. Didanything even make it into their mouths? I've barely been able to dress mysalad let alone have a few bites when it starts.

The iPad comes out and we try to place it in between both boys sothey can watch Peppa while we eat. You know, to share, because that's what parentsshould be teaching their kids you think in that little pea head of yours.

Who are we kidding though? Skylor snatches the iPad, tracescreams BUT HE'S NOT SHARING! Sky takes the iPad and chucks it on thefloor, laughing, knowing exactly what he just did. While we both curse andattempt to snag it from the ground Sky attempts a Houdini high chair escape.

Peering over the booth your eyes meet with my 20 month old. His face is crusted with crackers, milk and cheese and he smiles a big toothy grin at you. I see the interaction and smile, how cute is that I think!I'm sure you had other thoughts about my germy little monster. Nevertheless, Ithought it was rather sweet. At least he didn't throw the iPad at YOU!

The waitress trips over Sky's shoe that he refuses to wear. But we gother attention and the bill, good job little one, good job.

We tip the usual 20%, sometimes more if you bring my kid bacon{shout out to the Applebee's waitress, my kid loves you!}and we're on our way.But not without a bribe. I lure them in with a"prize" at home if they can get in the car with no tears. It works. We're out.

As we leave I see you flash a fake smile. We'll be back I think tomyself, and hopefully sitting right next to you!

We finally get in the car, "well that was fun!" we bothsay while laughing. Usually followed by a "it won't last forever, ya know.One day we will be begging them to have dinner with us!"

Listen up fellow dinners sans kids. That meal out where my kidsare acting like fucking maniacs and you wonder why I can't control them, I getit. I get why you may be staring at us, I use to do the same things. But thelooks don't bother me as much as you may think. In fact, I'm probably attemptingto Vlog the whole thing because this is my life and these are the memories I don't want to ever forget. I have two little boys rightnow and we're trying to teach them how you should actout in public. But the only way to do so is to lead by example. You don't teacha kid to play soccer by making them watch the world cup at home, you get them on the field so they can learn.

Sure there are some meals out where I contemplate my sanity andwonder why we even attempted this..again! But for the most part, I enjoy seeingtheir faces light up. They get excited to color, to interact with other peopleand to order for themselves. Although Jerek and I barely get to speak to eachother during these times we don't have to cook or clean, so it's basically awin in our books!

So the next time we walk in and I hit you with my over packed diaper bag of shit that won't keep my kids still, keep on starring, your looks don'tbother me. My boys have a 50/50 chance of being angels at this meal and youtook the gamble on coming out to eat, not me.